Ownership

OWNERSHIP…THE PART WE’VE PLAYED
In a play, each character has a part. They don’t play anybody else’s, but their own.  They are not responsible for another’s lines or mess ups…only their own.  It is the same for relationships and problems.  We ALWAYS have a part; a part we have played when it goes well and a part when there is destruction, strife or division.
However, most of us take ownership of our part when it goes well, but not very often when it goes bad.  Now the opposite of ownership would be blame…it’s their fault.  Adam blamed his wife, and Eve blamed the serpent.  I wonder what would have happened if they would have owned their part and repented before their Creator.  I wonder what our relationships, our families, schools, businesses, professions, cities and nations would be like if we learned to take
responsibility of the sin in our own hearts, if we owned our own crap!  Taking ownership of the part we have played in the destruction of a relationship or situation is like rain on parched land. As rain refreshes the land, so does ownership bring healing to a relationship.  What did I do, what did I say, what is the sin that is in my heart that Jesus is asking me to take ownership of before Him and before my fellow man?

MY PART
I played a HUGE part in the destruction of my marriage and God gave me eyes to see my part. I could either own the actions I was responsible for or live in destruction, strife and division.  A relationship cannot heal until someone steps up and owns their sin.

When our children were little and they would argue and blame each other, I would bring them together face to face and ask each one, “What is your part in this conflict?  What did YOU do to create this situation?”  It got their eyes quickly off of the other person’s “wrongdoing” and on to their own poor behavior.  Quickly, the dispute was resolved, because neither could stand as the accuser, neither one was innocent.  So we can either stand before one another as the accuser or the owner.   I was the accuser to my husband and have been also to other people who have been dear to me.  Hence, the relationship was strained and divided.  I fell short in being the face of Jesus to them.
One who lives at peace with God and man has no strife, nor does he create it.  It’s always our choice.  In every situation we have a part.

FALSE GUILT
Taking responsibility also removes false guilt that we sometimes carry.  As a child, I held no responsibility in my Dad’s decision to leave his family, but through the years, I did hold a responsibility for the condition of my heart…anger, hatred, slander, bitter, forgiveness and a lack of prayer for him.
We clearly see...hey this is my part, and that is your part and I am ONLY responsible for my part in the destruction of the relationship or situation.  I am not responsible FOR your part, I am responsible TO you by owning my own junk.  That is the part that I played!

NO MORE DIVISION
In the body of Christ, Jesus desires NO division within His Bride.  We cannot effectively defeat the devil when the Bride is divided.  So he expects us to own up!  And division is caused by a lack of ownership on both sides.  So someone has to be the first, step up and own their crap for healing to begin.
When we take responsibility for our part, we then stand sorrowful and repentful, before Christ and humbly before our fellow man.  (As I write this, I’m not sure if this is helping you at all, but it’s sure helping me!)

THE ACCUSER CANNOT STAND IN CONDEMNATION
As I have said before, when we own our part and take responsibility for our actions - our sin, then no one can stand before us as OUR accuser; nor can the Accuser himself.  What are they going to call us on?  We have owned it all.  Yep, that’s me, I did that, I said that.  I have repented to Jesus naming my specific sin and I am sorry for…please forgive me.  When we own our sin before Christ and confess it, we have beaten the ACCUSER at his own game. We win, he loses.
And the door to healing begins to open instead of division.  So here is what owning our sin looks like. Ask yourself this question.  In my heart or in my actions, have I been:
Unloving/hateful and to whom.
Prideful.
Unforgiving.
Self righteous.
Critical.
Angry.
Bitter.
Resentful.
Speaking hurtful or harsh words.
Deceitful.
Lying.
Gossiping.
Tearing down another’s character to others.
Impatient.
Jealous.
Covetous.
Faithless.
Chaotic–lack of peace.
Harsh or aggressive with my actions.
Unkind.
Complaining/rebellious.
Angry to God.
Lazy.
Being late.
Hasty.
Lustful.
Sexually immoral.
Glutenous.
Greedy.
Fearful.
Irresponsible.
Untrustworthy.
Argumentative.
Cheating or stealing.
Drunkenness.
Viewing things that are violent, immoral or with bad language.
Speaking from both sides of my mouth.

BLIND TO THEIR SIN, BUT NOT TO MY OWN.
Conflict begins when we are deaf, mute and blind to our own sin, but not deaf, mute and blind to the sin of others.  GOD says in Isaiah…that the servant of God shall be deaf and blind to the
sin of another, but not deaf and blind to their own sin.

Who is blind but my servant, and deaf like the messenger I send?
Who is blind like the one committed to me, blind like the servant of
the LORD?

Isaiah 42:19

Basically, the Teacher is instructing, “Hey, don’t you be lookin’ over there at their garden and all of their weeds.  You be lookin’ only at your own weeds and the condition of your heart.  I’ll help them pull their weeds, just as I am helping you pull yours.  You have a garden and they have a garden, now leave theirs alone.  Ask me to fill you with My righteousness so that the flowers of love and forgiveness may bloom in your heart and their garden is bathed in your  prayers rather than your sin.”

WOUNDS
Typically, our wounds are caused by people dumping their sin on us.  Like a dog licking it’s wounds, we find it soothing to lick ours - reliving in our minds what someone did to us.  This feeds our anger, hatred, bitterness, criticalness and judgment.  But unfortunately, these wounds make us deaf, mute and blind to our own sin.  If I can look at what you did and the crap you dumped on me, then I won’t have to look at my own crap and the sinful condition of my own heart – my anger, hatred, bitterness, criticalness and judgment.  That’s why we lick our wounds. Woof woof!

SELF HATRED OR SELF DESTRUCTION
To put it bluntly, our own sin, births self-hatred and the desire to destroy our minds and our bodies. It’s what sin does – it is hell bent in destroying God’s creation.  That’s why it is so powerful when we begin to own our sin before God. The Destroyer has no power over us anymore.  The words of the Accuser are met with the forgiveness of Jesus, and life and love are birthed.

TOMORROW
Today I am able to own my sin in a situation, but tomorrow may bring a whole new trial to test my heart again.  I pull the weeds in my garden, but seasonal rains come and go and those pesky plants want to sprout again.  But it is only Jesus and His righteousness and the Holy Spirit which helps me pluck the weeds down to the roots.  And Jesus gently says, “Beth, let’s keep weeding.”

HEALING AND RESTORATION
Relationships of any kind whether marital, family, friend or work can bring blessings and difficulties.  Disturbances in our relationships can birth disease, brokenness, stress and a house divided.  With each challenging situation or relationship, healing and resolve come the quickest when we can take responsibility for our part in the degradation, instead of looking at what the other person did, should have done or didn't do.  Owning up to what WE have done and continuing to look at the condition of our own heart births healing.  The beauty of owning our sin, restores our relationship with God, our relationship with man and ourselves.
And the most amazing miracle, is that God then goes on our behalf and works in the heart of the other person.  He is all about restoration of relationships!  But there is an order for the restoration and healing to begin...and it begins with us.
Ownership of our sin, repentance to God and confession to man for the harm we have done…this is God’s order.  And that my friend…is the miracle of healing!

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When a man’s ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.

Proverbs 16:7 ESV

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immortality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.  Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.  But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.  Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, Barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.  Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful.
Colossians 3:1-15

The righteousness of the blameless makes a straight way for them, but the wicked are brought down by their own wickedness.

Proverbs 11:5

The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.

Proverbs 14:8

The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.

Proverbs 16:21

A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.

Proverbs 16:28

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

Proverbs 16:32

A fool's lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating.
Proverbs 18:6

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 17:9

He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.

Proverbs 17:19

Do not deceived.  God cannot be mocked.  A man reaps what he sows.  The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit will reap eternal life.  Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Galatians 6:7-10