Marriage

Healing of The Family

Kari Jobe & Cody Carnes – The Blessing

MY MARRIAGE TESTIMONY

HEAL OR DESTROY

Below is a list of things which heals or destroys a marriage. This list is not for the “other person,” this list is for our own heart. We must cease from looking at our spouse’s sins or the ex and look only at ours. Jesus desires his disciples to be deaf, mute and blind to the sin’s of others, but not deaf, mute and blind to our own sin.

This is what heals a marriage:

Jesus

Taking responsibility

Pure heart

Repentance

Respect/Love

Transparency

Confession

Mercy

Forgiveness

Meekness

And this is what destroys a marriage:

The Accuser

Accusations

Criticalness

Blame

Condemnation

Tearing down their character

Deceit

Lies

Jealousy

Coveting

Complaining

Self-righteousness

Bitterness

Anger

Un-forgiveness

Whoredom in the marriage

Whoredom brought into the marriage

Sin and wounds from other relationships

Marriage is all about owning our part, regardless of the crisis or situation. There are two people in this marriage, and someone has got to be the responsible one and step up to the plate and own their sin.

It does not matter if they are abusive, an addict, cheater, thief, con artist, religious or anti-religious. We must repent of our blaming, bitterness and criticalness, and own our sin. LORD what did I do to contribute to the destruction of this marriage?

Marriages start off great and then a little criticism here, a little bitterness there, mixed with years of resentment, un-forgiveness, anger and blame and it is a recipe for chaos, destruction and divorce. Sin infects the marriage.

If divorce occurs and we marry someone else, then we bring ourselves and all our junk to the next marriage. If we haven’t owned our crap in the first marriage, it will surely follow us to the next one. And do you know why? Because we take ourselves with us and infect that relationship with our sin.

We also pass all our crap down to our kids and expect them to have solid marriages. What??

Owning our sin in a marriage is not a one time thing. It continues as the Righteous Teacher reveals, corrects and disciplines our hearts.

So, the greatest gift we could give our spouse or ex, and our children is a pure, clean, teachable, humble, forgiving anger-free heart and a mouth that is holy. We get exactly what we put in to these relationships. We reap what we sow.

You give your spouse or ex an ugly heart, you’re going to get an ugly heart.

If our hearts are pure and clean before the Almighty God, and our spouses are still difficult then that’s not our problem. That’s THEIR problems before Christ. WE are responsible TO God, TO them, not FOR them and their actions. However, if it is an abusive and dangerous situation, do what needs do what it takes to keep you and your family safe and of sound mind.

To stop the chaos, the chaos must first stop in us.

And for healing, the healing must first begin in us.

TEARING DOWN THEIR CHARACTER

When bitterness and anger take hold of our heart, then criticalness spreads like an infection. It is very easy to then tear down our spouse’s character to other people and to even our children. Pointing the finger soothes the wounds and allows us to feel justified. Many times we tear down their character in the name of “needing to talk to someone.” There is nothing wrong with talking to others about our marriage AS LONG AS WE ARE ONLY TALKING ABOUT OUR SIN AND NOT OUR SPOUSE’S. Otherwise we should keep our mouths shut. Friends and family, this is what needs to be said, “You want to talk about your marriage? OK. Let’s talk about the sin YOU are bringing to this relationship. What is YOUR part in the destruction of this marriage.” The boundary needs to be set. Divert their attention off of their spouse’s sin and onto their own. You can also say to them, “If you are going to talk to me about your marriage, then you cannot say your spouses name for 30 days.” That was a tough one for me!

TEARING DOWN THE HOUSE

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1

We as women, have the power to build or tear down our families and our men. It would be wise of us if we asked God, “Am I building or am I tearing down? LORD, show me how I am tearing down my house.” We are responsible for the temperature in our homes and marriages and God is giving us a choice everyday. Most of us are not taught how to build our houses, but Jesus the Righteous Teacher longs to teach us His amazing wisdom. Then we get to build our houses with wisdom with the Builder by our side. I tore down my house through foolishness and sin, but is was by His grace and wisdom that He taught me how to build. All to thee my blessed Savior.

TEARING DOWN OUR IN-LAWS

To love and respect my in-laws is to love and respect my husband. They are an extension of him. They are my children’s blood relatives. So to love them is to love my husband’s relatives. So how we treat our in-laws should be a reflection of our love for our spouses. If there is conflict, cry out for the LORD’s wisdom. Ask Him to show you the sin that lies deep within your own heart; what is my part in this conflict? Repent, confess your sin and make things right with the in-laws you have hurt. Healing will come.

WORDS

In marriage, we believe a lie that our words are more powerful than our prayers. So we nag, harp, criticize, and argue. But Jesus says that He knows our needs and as we go to Him with our needs - with a meek repentful heart, He will go on our behalf and work in the heart of our spouse.

SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE

These are the days of sexual freedom - anything goes. This is what society is saying and sadly some of the churches,

“Do what pleases you. Everybody’s doing it. This is who you were made to be. We love each other. I’m not hurting anyone. The bible is out of date, we are now progressive. We need to have sex before marriage, to see if we are compatible. If I don’t believe in God, then I don’t have to answer to God.

God views sexual immorality as whoredom.

So what we are really saying is, “We should be whores before we get married, so that we will know if whoredom is going to make us compatible.” That is a lie from the pit of hell. Whoredom NEVER makes a strong marriage. Purity of heart through Jesus Christ makes a strong marriage.

Do you know that since the sexual revolution of the 60”s, divorce has skyrocketed. We can’t be sexually united and bonded with multiple people and think the single bond of marriage will be strong. We are being deceived. We can’t bring whoredom into our marriages and ask God to bless our union. Sexual immorality causes division and division leads to divorce.

When are we going to wake up and say no more?

HEALING FOR THE MARRIAGE

I love inventories, because we can clearly see our sin and call it out by name. Sometimes sin lurks in the deep, dark waters of our hearts that we can’t see, but Jesus does. So when we name sin, repent and confess…it no longer has us bound in chains, because we have been forgiven. We receive forgiveness and the righteousness of Jesus through His Blood. This must be declared verbally to the enemy when we are tempted with future sin.

The healing power of Christ begins when we take an inventory of our hearts; the sin we have brought into our marriage. When we repent to God and confess these sins to our spouses and ask them to forgive us, then walls fall down, barriers are broken. The door of healing has flung open. It is so powerful it is indescribable. They may have little response and they may not believe our confession and transparency, but be patient, stay focused on Jesus and let the Holy Spirit work in their heart. It is impossible to not be deeply affected by someone laying their hearts bare before us – in humbleness, meekness, and repentfulness to God and man. Impossible!

So for healing to begin in the marriage, it is wise to take an inventory of our heart. Go to the section on Inventory.

HEALING OF THE HEART

SEXUAL IMMORALITY

INVENTORY OF THE HEART