Grief

https://youtu.be/Jm-s2iuR8sU

David Crowder – Come As You Are

 

MAIN POINTS

• Grief is a hole in the heart where something or someone once stood. And nothing can literally fill that hole, except Jesus.

• Jesus carries our sorrows as it says in Isaiah 53:4. Meaning, we do not have to bare them – He does.

• Jesus brings comfort and shows His beautiful face to the heart of sorrow, to the one who seeks His face.

• There are no recipes to manage grief. There is only Jesus and His Word.

• In the midst of grief, seek Jesus and His Word and nothing else with all of your heart and    strength.

• The heart with holes needs quietness, soaked in the Word of God, not distractions or busyness.  Our hearts need to feel pain, not soothed with pacifiers or the heart will suffer depression, addiction, or self-destruction.

• In pain, we have two choices, move away from God or towards Him with full speed. For one    direction will restore us and the other will destroy us.

• Affliction and adversity are our teacher. Learn from it and be wise. For the Teacher teaches us wisdom from sorrow. Isaiah 30:20 Therefore get wisdom.

• It is better to be in the house of mourning than in the house of laughter and feasting, for sorrow is good for the heart for it yields wisdom.

• The purpose of sorrow is to lead us to wisdom, for it is Jesus.

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MY STORY

LINK MY TESTIMONY

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CHRISTMAS SNOW

Tabor died in June 1998 and the following Christmas, I knew was going to be unbearable. My sister-in-law and her husband had a baby boy born just a few months before Tabor. Christmas morning would magnify the reality – her son alive, my son dead. I imagined my husband’s family playing with baby Curtis and thoroughly enjoying this precious gift, as any loving family would, all the while Scott and I heartbroken with arms empty. I could not and did not want to face that day. Christmas, the season I loved had turned to dreaded darkness.

We planned to leave for the holidays…it would just be easier, but found out that family was coming from out of town and needed to stay with us. Later, I would see that this was the Lord’s doing. Had they not come, we would have left, and wow I would have missed a huge miracle. Christmas Eve was drawing near - how was I going to face the next few days without Tabor?

My four compassionate sisters decided that all of us, plus nieces, should go out for breakfast Christmas Eve morning at Cracker Barrel. Just a time of being together.

The interesting thing about Jesus and sorrow is that He brings the perfect amount of comfort to get us through the next minute, because sometimes the grief is so unbearable, one can’t even hardly get through the next hour.  He is not expecting us to be able to get through on our own strength...He wants to be our strength.

So God knows how much I love snow and Idaho snowstorms; they are beautiful and peaceful.

After we were finished with breakfast, it started snowing and did not stop until the evening of Christmas Day. It was glorious!! The snow fell gently making all things beautiful and blanketing the day with peace. My mind became distracted from the despair. We all walked downtown, shopped for our final gifts and basked in the beauty of the snowfall, the quaint little shops decorated with Christmas cheer, and the joy of just being together. We were walking in a Christmas card and peace began to flood my heart.

Where there was despair, now there was comfort.

The quiet, peaceful snowfall continued through Christmas Eve, which brought precious family time snuggling by the fire, cherishing our togetherness. With the house quiet and everyone snug in their beds, Scott and I sat by the window watching it snow. We talked of the day and how wonderful it had been in spite of our empty arms. Christmas morning came and it was still snowing. To my surprise, the day was spent with my husband’s family playing in the snow. Not once was there a moment like the one I imagined. It was a joyous day. From the time it started snowing the day before, I felt the LORD’s presence. He gave me that snowstorm which brought unwavering peace and joy to a grieving mother who could not hold her baby. The snowfall brought forth the Voice of God, “I care about your sorrow, my peace I give to you.”

It was a miracle from heaven.

It was the sweetness of Jesus. I saw God’s face in that storm, because He knew what I loved, He knew just what a grieving mother needed in order to change sorrow to joy and despair to peace.

Only a loving God would do that.

That was twenty years ago and we still go to breakfast on Christmas Eve morning at Cracker Barrel.

God begins to fill that gaping hole with Himself. We see Him, experience Him, and see His mighty hand lift us out of the pit. When we seek Him with our whole heart, we find Him. And oh, how wondrous He is.

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A BIRTHDAY DINNER

Another dreaded date that was approaching quickly was Tabor’s birthday.

Again, my precious sisters decided to take me to dinner on his birthday.

The prior year my life was turned upside down.

From the gut-wrenching brokenness of Tabor’s death, God led me to repentance and planted a thirst and hunger for Him and His Word. I could not get enough. He gave me the eyes to see all of the evil and sin I had committed in my life.

So at dinner, I felt convicted to confess to my sisters all of the wickedness I had done.

Ironic, how for years, I tried to hide all my evil deeds from them, and now here I am with my heart transformed by God, pouring out all my transgressions. Only Jesus transforms!

After I finished confessing, a miracle happened. We could feel the presence of the LORD and one by one, each sister began confessing their own hidden sins to the group. It was powerful and amazing. Never before had our family experienced this, nor had ever confessed it openly. It was met with tears, mercy, compassion and love.

Healing began to flow in all of us.

All because of one little baby, all because of Jesus.

That dreaded birthday turned into a day of healing and joy for me and my sisters, who loved Tabor like he was their own.

God brings comfort in ways we could never have imagined!

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PICTURES FROM A BUS DRIVER

Right after Tabor died, my husband and I went on a tour of Israel. We had hoped to see Mount Tabor, but did not have time. Our bus driver whose named was Saul, drove us all around Israel. He heard our story of losing a child and was disappointed for us that we could not tour the Mountain.

A year later, Saul thoughtfully sent to us many postcards of Mount Tabor, which just so happened to arrive in the mail right on Tabor’s “heavenly birthday.”

God brought perfect peace on a day that was to be filled with sorrow.

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PERFECT PEACE

Through all the pain, suffering and sorrow, within one year, God brought perfect peace to my heart. How does that happen? Only God and His mighty hand; plucking me out of the very deep waters.

Jesus and His Word saves us during times of pain. There is no hope of healing from grief in our own strength or effort, but only holding onto Him, even if it is just barely hanging onto a thread of His garment.

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BABIES!!

God later gave us children that were the joy of our hearts. Great peace came over us and we held these precious gifts and raised them in the love of God.

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HOLES

Grief is a hole in the heart.

A space where something or someone once stood.

Time does not fill the hole.  Busyness does not.

Nor does alcohol, drugs or anything else.

We can try to fill it with other things, but they will eventually destroy us.

The ONLY thing that will repair and fill that empty space is Jesus.

Unfortunately, there are times when the hole is so deep and wide that we don't want ANYTHING to fill it…only that which was taken.

And then there are times all we can mutter is the name of Jesus.

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THE REDEEMER

In a span of 10 years of my life there was:

Grief when the child lived and died, grief from injustice, my sin, parent’s death, being robbed, betrayal, broken friendships, financial loss, loss of

material possessions, lost positions, a failing marriage, wounds, a burnt-out career, shame, guilt, hurtful words, abandonment, rejection and sickness.

Too many holes!

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But the Redeemer creates beauty from ashes and restores the brokenness. He brings hope where there is no hope and makes all things new. Every grief he meets with His comfort, every sorrow He restores and every heartache He turns to joy. Truly, He restores to us the years the locust have eaten. He did that for me and He will do that for all who cry out for more of JESUS.

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The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy. The glory of Lebanon will be given to it, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God. Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.” Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert. The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs. In the haunts where jackals once lay, grass and reeds and papyrus will grow. And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness; it will be for those who walk on that Way. The unclean will not journey on it; wicked fools will not go about on it. No lion will be there, nor any ravenous beast; they will not be found there. But only the redeemed will walk there, and those the Lord has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

Isaiah 35:1-10

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THE FACE OF JESUS IN SORROW

Jesus fills our holes with His presence and with His Word. Because the Word says that, “Blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted.” The beauty of Jesus is that He brings just enough and sometimes more than enough comfort to get us through the next minute, the next hour, the next day and beyond.  He brings a friend to our door step, a card in the mail, a song, a phone call, a message, a hug or a listening ear just when we need it the most. He knows just what we need each and every moment as we walk on this road of grief; He loves us and is so compassionate toward our pain.

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Because of His great comfort...

I could never want my son back, for I would have to trade the experience of seeing God’s face.

I would also have to live without experiencing His mighty arm plucking me out of the raging waters which were about to drown me. Tabor in exchange for seeing God, I couldn’t do it.

How then do you explain this? 

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Only a mighty Savior who loves big, who covers His grieving children with a blanket of His faithful compassion.  That's how you explain it!  Only Jesus!

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WELL MEANING WORDS

Words from others can be like ripping a wound wide-open.

Some in their well-meaning ways can say words like, “Time will heal, it’s not that bad, just get over it, you need to keep busy, just move on, or let's just move on like it never happened, it will be ok, maybe next time you will make different choices, I told you so, you need to find closure or I understand because let me tell you what happened to me.”

Silence is golden! It is much more comforting than empty words.

Just let the grieving cry, talk or be angry. This is what they need, a safe person who will just listen and be present.

They do not want our opinion, because it was not asked for.

Opinions can be given if the grieving ask or seek.

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DISTRACTIONS AND PACIFIERS

The heart with holes needs quietness, not distractions. We need Jesus and the Word of God, not pacifiers or the heart will suffer depression or eventually self-destruct.

Distractions and pacifiers numb the pain of loss.

But we need to feel pain. Unfortunately, pain is necessary for our purification and pruning. It is what births wisdom, mercy, holiness and compassion.

Shoved down grief can one day raise its ugly head and hurt others and ourselves.

Busyness is dangerous to grief. The heart cannot heal and the hole remains.

It is wise to listen to our hearts and to the quiet, peaceful voice of Jesus. They reveal truth for what our sorrow needs.

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In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.

Isaiah 30:15b

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TWO CHOICES

With each loss, we have two choices. We can either draw near to Jesus and His Word with all of our heart or move away from Him in anger, blame or despair.

I have done both in my life and from experience my conclusion is that one births miracles and wisdom, and the other hatred, destruction and foolishness.

We get to choose how we fill those holes.

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PAIN IS OUR TEACHER

Brokenness is precious in the Lord’s sight.

I have often thought, “Why do humans have to endure pain in order to grow?” Why can’t we grow when there is pleasure?”

Like a tree, the winds and harsh elements make the tree’s roots grow deeper in order to stabilize and find nourishment.

Hardship makes the heart softened, teachable and moldable.

Just like gold or silver, heat is what makes them a precious metal.

My brother once said to me, “Before you went through all your loss, you were like tin with little value, now you are gold.” What awesome words.

Sorrow produces a need for Christ; the heart seeking relief from the only one who can bring lasting comfort.

Did laughter ever do that?

What did laughter ever produce: temporary comfort, temporary happiness and a temporary sense of well-being. Does it produce wisdom, virtue or character?

Surely not to be confused with cheerfulness, which the word says in Proverbs, a cheerful heart is good medicine. Or joy which is one of the fruits of the spirit.

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A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad. The heart of the wise is in the

house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.

Ecclesiastes 7:1-4

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THE TEACHER/ADVERSITY AND AFFLICTION

WISDOM IS THE KEY TO SORROW

Wisdom teaches the afflicted how to walk through sorrow. Wisdom is our teacher. It is Jesus the Righteous Teacher. When we walk through the fire or the Valley of the Shadow of Death, we will stay in the pit of endless sorrow unless Jesus lifts us out. He longs to teach us His wisdom through the grief. For that is what affliction and adversity is for – to teach us God’s wisdom. Healing and peace come in the midst of the pain when Jesus births His wisdom in our hearts. That’s why the verse says in Proverbs, “And God’s peace shall surpass all understanding.” It comes from wisdom, because it is Jesus. Cry out of Jesus, cry out of wisdom. He will come, and when He comes to you, you will never be the same.

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People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.

Isaiah 30:19-21

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Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him and by his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:4-5