Anger/Bitterness

Healing of The Heart

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

Ecclesiastes 2:7

DESTRUCTION

It has been known that resentment and anger are the same thing. To be resentful of something or someone is to be angry. They also have children whose names are bitterness and criticalness.

In my opinion, they are all intertwined, for the purpose of destroying the unfortunate person who possess them. The spirit of anger along with its offspring have a sole purpose - to destroy; which is only a matter of time. It might destroy health or a physical heart, a marriage, a relationship, friendship, family, pastor, church or a nation. These spirits have no boundaries and will unleash destruction anywhere there is an open door. Only Jesus has the power to deliver us from anger, and turn our hearts to mercy, forgiveness, and love. It is impossible to change our hearts without Christ. For it is His righteousness that makes us holy, not our own righteousness, and no amount of good works or praying to an idol.

Otherwise, that would be called self-righteousness.

DROWNING IN ANGER

In my first 14 years of marriage, I was drowning in bitterness, anger and resentment. I cried out to Jesus for help, “LORD help me, I am drowning in resentment.” I could not fix myself nor the situation, I could literally FEEL something trying to destroy me.

Very shortly after that “cry for help,” Jesus led me to a recovery group. Five years in recovery transformed my heart. A precious, godly man and his wife led an addictions awareness group and showed me the steps to taking ownership of my crap. They became my sponsors. Here is where the Holy Spirit began to clean my heart out of all this sin and show me that I had an addiction to anger. It was an eye opener to realize that I was the one who had the problem, rather than the one I was accusing.

My self-medication was anger, my poison was resentment. None of us are immune to addictions, they just have different expressions.

But only Jesus can take them away.

In my addiction to anger, I was resentful of parents, friends, husband, church, family, and many other things. My sponsor said in all his years leading this recovery group, he had not seen someone with so many resentments. I had written them all down…4 pages front and back, confessed them to Jesus, then to a trusted individual and finally burned the pages. The peace that flooded my heart was unbelievable. A weight had lifted off my shoulders and I was delivered. Now I see anger in me where I didn’t before. Now, through the grace of my Lord Jesus, I am able to recognize it, confess it, and ask forgiveness from Jesus and from others. This is my part.

Anger is a temptation for me, but it is through the dependency on Jesus that I can overcome, and be more like Him, filled with the fruit of His spirit.

He is the vine and we are the branches that bare fruit.

NO MORE ANGER

There is a saying in recovery that is powerful and worth keeping on the tip of our tongues.

Nothing anyone could do, is bad enough to warrant my anger.

And nothing I do is bad enough to warrant anyone’s anger.

God has given each one of us a voice. A voice to speak in love and strength, “please do not speak to me in anger” or “please do not act out of anger towards me.”

But FIRST, we must hold ourselves accountable by not tolerating anger within our OWN hearts, then we will receive the strength to say “no more anger” from others. If we are not willing to stop anger in us through repentance, then we cannot ask another to stop. It’s then just self-righteousness. It is by Jesus’ blood that makes us righteous, for He is our righteousness.

I can point my finger and be critical of someone else’s anger, but what about my anger?

When we speak the words, “I will not accept any anger from myself or from you,” then it requires us to follow through with what we said. Such as praying when angry, holding our tongue, leaving the room, seeking safety or refraining from argumentativeness. Do not return abuse for abuse, angry words for angry words, but remain silent or ask them in love to please talk with gentleness.

They may not listen to us and we might have to repeat ourselves 100 times, but it must be said for healing to come.

We abuse ourselves AND others with our anger, because we allow it. We let others verbally abuse us, because we let them. NO MORE ANGER from me and NO MORE ANGER from you.

You cannot pluck this anger weed from another’s garden, but you surely can put up a fence so that weed does not continue to blow over into your space. So pluck your own anger weeds baby, not theirs!!

EASILY ANGERED

Beware of those easily angered. They stir up strife and it follows them wherever they go.

Leave them alone and do not entertain a relationship with them lest we learn their ways. Otherwise, strife will follow us wherever we go.

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person; Do not associate with one who is easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared. Proverbs 22:24-25

EASILY OFFENDED

When our own sin does not offend us then we will become easily offended by others.

For to be offended is to stand before another as the Accuser himself and accuse them of an offense.

To be offended, it is to be easily angered.  We have a problem with accusations and anger.

We are just as guilty of "sin"as the one we are accusing. The one who is offended is more guilty of sin than the one who offended.

When we are offended or easily angered at someone else's "wrongdoing", we don't realize that we have a crap load of sin in our own heart.  To be offended, means we have anger, criticalness, resentment, bitterness, hatred, un-forgiveness, pride, self-righteousness, lack of mercy, accusations, slander, gossip, harsh words, condemnation, and judgment towards that person.

Would we like our sins to be measured on a scale?  

An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression

Proverbs 29:22

So remember, if we are easily angered, it will lead us to be easily offended, and then accuse another of wrong-doing.  Jesus desires that we repent of OUR sin, so that we are slow to anger, forgiving each other, full of mercy and free from criticalness and condemnation.  

It’s difficult to accuse another with a pure heart.

Jesus, judge our hearts FIRST, lest we be condemned with the world.

Romans

ANGRY PARENTS – ANGRY CHILDREN

Children are not difficult to understand. They are simple human beings with simple needs – food, safety and love.

If THEY are angry, then either they are modeling our anger or a basic need in them is not being met whether food, sleep, attention, or loving discipline. They want to be HEARD not lectured, loved not treated impatiently, harshly, or with anger. Their anger is their voice of unmet needs, and it takes prayer and wisdom from God to understand what that need is which is not being met.

There is SOMETHING they are angry about. And it is OUR job as their parents with the wisdom of Jesus to uncover why they are angry, rather than responding in anger for anger.

As parents we are responsible FOR our children until they are an adult. (After that age it becomes enabling.) As parents we are responsible TO our children regardless of their age.

If we have anger, we will make our children angry. We are responsible TO our children to have clean, pure hearts before them. Hearts that take responsibility for our sin. If we have been angry, repent to God and then ask them for forgiveness for being angry. It’s that simple and children love it when parents right their wrongs.

We parents complicate our children with our anger.

We should come to the table with a pure and repentant heart before God and our children. I cannot ask my children or another to not be angry when I struggle with it myself. It’s called being two-faced with my children, it’s being self-righteousness with my fellow man. I can’t effectively reproof sin in my children when I am un-repentful and doing the same thing myself.

That’s called being a hypocrite and they know it.

So, what is my part in my children’s anger. Asking God humbly…what is MY sin that is making my child angry?

God had to say to me, “Offspring means offspring – a passing down, a reproduction. So, you wanna pass down your anger to your offspring, your sin reproduced in the next generation? Go right ahead, it’s your choice.” Owe!

In truth, how can we be critical of the dysfunction of the next generation when we were the ones who passed it down? When is there going to be a generation that’s going to stop pointing the finger, but start taking responsibility for their own heart and say, “NO MORE ANGER.”

REMEMBER, we are responsible TO them.

So here we begin by asking ourselves some direct questions:

Am I….

easily angered?

disciplining my children out of anger?

failing to discipline my children according to the instructions in the Word of God ex. Proverbs?

possessing anger towards myself or others?

using words or tone of voice that is harsh, impatient with a lack of gentleness and respect?

physically violent or aggressive with my children or others?

not spending quality AND quantity time with them?

taking care of my children or have I passed it on to others?

living as though money and a nice house are more important than raising my children?

spending more awake hours away from my children than with me?

abusing substances to make myself feel better?

causing division in my relationships or my own family?

WHAT IS BIRTHED FROM ANGER

Below is a list of things which are birthed from anger. This is why it destroys; It leaves a wake of destruction.

God asked me, “When are you going to say to you own heart… no more anger?”

Murder Bitterness

Harsh words Broken relationships

Strife Argumentativeness

Criticalness The Accuser

Adultery Self-medication/addiction

Depression Sickness

Inflammation Heart disease

Division Self-righteousness

Angry children Angry spouse

Lies/falsehood Gossip/slander

Rebellion/complaining Guilt

Impatience Hatred

Violence Unrest

Sorrow Self-destruction

Faithlessness Self-loathing

Death Pride

INVENTORY OF THE HEART

Taking an inventory of our heart is powerful and life changing. When we see on paper the VOLUME of sin that has been stored in there, it’s mind boggling to comprehend all the junk we have lived with day after day. We then begin to understand why we are sick, confused, angry, suicidal, violent, impatient, harsh and critical, with relationships crumbling and bad fruit produced instead of good fruit.

By the power of the Holy Spirit, an inventory reveals the sin and motives which lie deep within the heart that we cannot see. Sin which longs to hide, destroying us and those we care about.

There is great healing by writing down the sin produced in our hearts; seeing it with our own eyes, hearing our mouths repent and confess - cleaning it all out. It turns our hearts into new wine skins. It says in Mark 2:22, and no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.

When we see a speck in another’s eye, it can make us angry, critical or fearful or all the above. That speck creates a heart full of sin as long as a log. The speck is their sin and the log is our sin. The inventory reveals just how long our log is and surprisingly how many logs we have in our eyeballs. No wonder we are blind!!

As Jesus says, “Take the log out of your own eye and you will be able to see clearly.”

When we begin to see and face our sin, wisdom, meekness and understanding fills our heart. It is so beautiful! Healing begins as Jesus reveals and forgives the sin we have been carrying quite possibly for many years.

Ask yourself what am I struggling with the most - fear, anger or criticalness?

When the heart fills up with these issues, they give birth to a pit full of other sins.

Take a Heart Inventory and conquer anger and resentments through the righteousness of Jesus when you are struggling with a relationship, family, job, addiction, pain, disease or sickness.

Let the Holy Spirit be your guide.

Repent, confess and make it right with others if and when needed. Healing will come, but it must first begin in our own heart.

So take an angry inventory when the heart fills up with anger.

Instructions:

Write down in the first column the name of the person, place or thing which you are resentful of.
List in second column what happened.
Finally in the third column, write down what is your part or what is your sin in this resentment.
When finished writing them all down, then verbally confess and repent each sin to Jesus, naming them one by one.
Next, confess these sins to a pastor or a trusted person who will be merciful and confidential. Read your paper to them.
Finally, safely burn or destroy this paper - for YOU shall not be destroyed.

We are to repent and confess so that the Thief shall not be able to steal, kill and destroy. For we shall overcome by the Blood of Jesus who is our righteousness. This is healing from our anger.

For more detailed information about Heart Inventory, go to Inventory in Healing of the Heart.

JESUS IS THE ANSWER TO ANGER

Jesus makes us righteous. Because of His love for us...it is His Blood that washes over us and makes us pure. It is His forgiveness that makes us holy producing a heart of beautiful fruit. He desires our repentance and our humility. The prayer of our heart, "Jesus, I do not have the strength nor the righteousness to overcome this sin of anger and bitterness, but you do. You make me righteous through your Blood and through your abundant grace, I receive by faith your healing in my heart and the heart of my children. Thank you Jesus!

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

Proverbs 29, 11

An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.

Proverbs 29, 22

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

Proverbs 22:24-25

A man’s own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord.

Proverbs 19:3

A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is the glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 19:11

He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.

Proverbs 17:19

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.

Proverbs 18:8

A quick-tempered man does foolish things.

Proverbs 14:17a

Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.

Proverbs 10:12

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 12:18

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:31-32

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.

Genesis 4:3-7

It is a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.

Proverbs 20:3

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

Proverbs 16:32

The Lord detests the sacrifice of the wicked, but the prayer of the upright pleases him. Proverbs 15:18

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. A heart at a peace gives life to the body.

Proverbs 14:29,30a

He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.

Proverbs 13:3

For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

Psalm 37:9

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.

Proverbs 17:27

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

Proverbs 21:23

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

John 13:35

LOVE

CHILDREN